Championing Your Story

Brene Brown, renowned author and researcher, states that people are wired for connection. To be wired for something suggests that it serves a purpose, that it is advantageous in some way.  In the case of connection, interdependent needs may be more likely to be met, such as with the formation of tribes or communities, and resultantly, people would be more likely to survive.  Beyond connection, I would assert that humans are also wired for struggle.  The question is:  how does struggle benefit humanity?

Consider evidence as ancient as the nature of story.   Story has stood the test of time as a vehicle of human communication: it is how we relay basic details--who, what, when, where and how--in a format that is both engaging (encouraging connection!) and effective.  To qualify as a story, there must be a beginning, a middle and an end. A scene is set, characters are described and then what transpires--how it was, how it unfolds, and how it resolves--is relayed. Without struggle, there would be no story--just a stream of successive thoughts.

It makes sense that people connect via story, or the expression of struggle expressed from beginning to end, as struggle is a universal human experience. Humanity is defined by having limits, having flaws and, therefore, having challenges that reflect this. In my therapy practice, t00 often I witness clients battling not only despair in their struggles, expressing beliefs ranging from, “There must be something wrong with me,” to, “I’m not good enough,” or, “I can’t handle it,” etc., but also shame by virtue of having the experience of struggle itself. When the story one tells oneself about struggle involves negative self attributions, the original pain is compounded with shame. Ouch! An alternative, liberating and true reframing perspective is that it would be abnormal NOT to struggle. And, more importantly, to struggle is only tragic IF that is where one’s story ends. (Winston Churchill stated poignantly, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” ) So, it's important to author one's own story: claim one's life, own one's struggle and keep the narrative going (one day at a time--or even one moment at a time) until there is triumph.

This is my job: to support others as they champion their stories. I afford safety, listening with non-judgement. I encourage radical acceptance of the present while simultaneously challenging clients to use their struggles as a fodder for growth and movement, an impetus for change toward their goals. I provide relevant tools, skills and knowledge.  In summary, I empower clients to work through their struggles--seeing their stories through to the end--so as to thrive.

Perhaps, then, struggle does have a role to play in the lives of humanity:  it creates purpose, it effects change, and it facilitates connection.  A lesson garnered from struggle as exhibited in the unfolding of story is that it is neither necessarily a singular nor a negative event; instead, struggle is a process, the experience of which may seem arduous, but the effect of which stands to be positive. That is inspiring.  That is *hope* in action.  That is the making of a great story.